Baaaad

There is nothing better than a sex toy with a double entendre for a meaning. There are fifteen inch dildos called "The Small One" and such. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can compare to this little gem. The Love Ewe. Yes, it's a blow-up doll. Yes, it's a sheep. Yes, it's disturbing. You're smiling right now though, I know you are. I smiled. Hell, I laughed out loud.

Things like this aren't serious. Or so we assume. They're meant as gag gifts. Right? Up until i read this article I would have said "Right, it's all just a big joke, ha ha ha." Now i'm just disturbed.

Blonde...Brunette...Redhead...

It's a curious thing, hair color. I mean, natural hair color. I realize that the possibility of a girl having dyed hair these days is fairly high. I don't mind dyed hair, but the personality traits that exude from certain hair types are too hard to ignore.

I don't think I have a preference. I've dated redheads, blondes and brunettes alike. I find it interesting that some people do, in fact, have a severe preference for hair color. I know a friend of mine that will only date blondes. Natura blondes. He's extremely picky. Like, one of the first things he asks a girl with blonde hair is if it's natural. Actually, sometimes, he just waits until the hookup and checks for himself (carpet and drapes style).

I, myself, seem to have been attracted to brunettes a lot in the past. I tend to lean that way but it's not a conscious thing. I'm not a blonde freak in the least, but I've dated blondes. Though, in the end, the truths that come from stereotypes are sometimes wonderful to realize.

Redheads have the most fun in the sexual category. I don't know why. I mean the fiery, eyes piercing your soul, smile melting your heart red heads. That phoenix-like tumble of hair must do something to their psyche. I absolutely love it. Though, the number of redheads I actually know is so small. I find it a pity.

What about you? Girls, guys, what's your hair color, style preference? Does it matter?

Motion Picture Makeout Sessions

Did you ever "make out" in high school? Did you ever "make out" in the theater, during a movie? I can honestly say that I made out in a theater approximately one time.

Here's the problem, as I see it. Even in high school, in the midst of the chemical nuclear explosion known as puberty, I loved movies. My obsession was unmatched by most of my friends and most of my girlfriends as well. So when I went to a movie, I wanted to WATCH the movie. I liked making out, ok, I LOVED making out, but I didnt want to pay six bucks to see a movie and then not watch it. It was sacreligious to me in so many ways.

The one time I made out in a theater, I had gone to see a movie that I had already seen. So then, that's ok. I did pay to see a movie twice that I only actually saw once, but what the hell, the girl at the time was hot. The problem that arose was that said girl was extremely noisy. As we rounded the bases towards third (hey, if i'm making out in the theater, i'm getting somewhere dammit!) she was moaning. I mean, audibly, not quietly in my ear. After the fifth person turned around I had to stop. It wasn't embarassing, but it ruins the mood when some older person turns and glares in your direction, all parental and such.

A good friend of mine in high school agreed with the making out thing in movies. He had a solution though. See, he had a conversion van. You know, a big ass van that had a television and a back seat that pulled out into a double bed? His solution, which we both employed a few times, was to plan to go to a movie, drive to the movie theater, park, pull the shades on the windows (yes, it had shades) and make out until about the time the movie was letting out. Granted, it allowed for a lot more than making out as both he and I could attest.

So go watch the movie, make out later. If you are unlucky enough to not be able to drive yet, Make an older friend that can. If you have to make out in the theater, just try and be quiet. Or buy a conversion van.

Look, I Still Have My Gum

Ever tried to chew gum and walk? How about chew gum and have sex? I've found, a few times, that in the midst of the hanky-panky prelude, the gum can be forgotten. Thus, when in the midst of the act, one occasionally realizes..."Look, I still have my gum!" This revelation is difficult. How do you deal? Do you attempt to throw it/spit it/get rid of it somehow? Do you keep it lodged in your gums, hoping her tongue won't find it, hiding out like a fugitive in your mouth? Do you bring it up during sex?

I get images of school girls from stupid porn when I picture someone chewing gum during sex. Smacking their lips with their pig tails bouncing up and down. So to get past that to a place where i'm comfortable with "Do you want to get rid of your gum?" as a question seems difficult. I fear rejection...what if she says no? How does one react to an adamant sex-gum chewer? Thoughts? Comments? Concern for my sanity?

Masturbatory Masochism

Interesting phenomenon. Ways to know when you've gotten too drunk, too high, or too doped up in general. You are laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness and fantasies are running around in your head. In most circumstances, masturbation would be in order. However, upon the beginning of the process, you discover that you are too damn drunk/high or whatever to actually finish. In effect, you've just given YOURSELF blue balls.

Then you get up late, have to get to work and realize you have some things to take care of that are much more urgent than usual. Thus, you're even later to work. Any day that begins like that is destined to suck just a little.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Sex On The Beach

I want to have sex on an island. I want to have sex on the island i'm on right now. See, I'm on vacation in my favorite place. I've been here since Friday evening and I can't imagine leaving today. I have to, but the thought of it is killing me.

The one thing that keeps running through the perverted, sexual part of my head is that I've never actually had sex on this island. I've done a lot of other things out here, but no actual, full-on, guns blazing, watching her orgasm on top of me sex. That's depressing.

I'm going to have to remedy that the next time I'm out here, which is probably September. Though, I'm not sure how or who I'll be able to fix that with. I guess time will tell. In the meantime I'll have to enjoy the other non-sexual things.

Anyone have good exotic places that they've had excellent sex in? So far mine DOESN'T include an island. But I do boast a library storage closet. That has to count for something.

Porn

I have a lot of porn. Ever since I realized I could watch porn on my computer I've been an avid collector of digital dildos and electronic ecstasy. I've collected gigabytes of video. I've collected thousands of photographs. I wouldn't consider myself obsessed, but I have a large collection because it's easy to have. The internet is rife with sites and video. Sometimes I wonder, with all the women in all these videos, is there a girl that HASN'T done some sort of adult video entertainment?

I remember the stigmata being, for our fathers, (well, not my father, he wasn't looking at naked girls in porn) that if you had a huge video library you were getting close to being a pervert. Mainly, I think, because it was so hard to buy and organize and keep and deal with that many vhs tapes. Now, though, in the digital age, all we need is a hard drive and some organization skills and the collections can be massive.

I'm also finding that girls aren't so averse to porn as the stereotype claims they are. Any woman who enjoys sex would, invariably, enjoy one porn or another, i would think. Guys, being visually stimulated, tend to find both basic interest and actual excitement while watching a porn. For a woman, I would think that, if anything, they would appreciate seeing what guys THINK sex with a girl should be like and maybe coming across some new ideas. Porn as an educational tool is my favorite kind.

So, dear readers, how big is your collection? How far does your experience extend? Do you own them, rent them, watch other people's? Or do you just make your own? Hit me with your best zen.

Summertime..

...And I'm climbing Mt. Tom with friends. I've been enjoying the possibility of hiking as it gets warmer. And you get to see interesting things like this.

It used to be a house. Now it's just a cool place to get your picture taken. And the whole time I was posing for this picture, all I could think is how cool it would be to have sex amongst the ruins.

Benefits

I'm having a split thought today....so i'll tackle them both.

1. Friends with benefits, aka the fuck-buddy...

What happened to all my fuckbuddies? I remember high school and college (well, the beginnings anyway) and I remember having fuckbuddies. Even me, the non-typical, non-gap wearing male who likes classical music and tends to be a geek, had a fuckbuddy or 2. Now, as I'm settling into singlehood I see no prospects. Did everyone get glasses and realize they didn't find me attractive all at the same time? I think it's harder now, as I'm in my late 20s, for a guy to find a fuckbuddy anyway. What do you think dear readers? Do you have one? Do you want one? Did you lose one? I'm wondering if i'm alone and curious about your experiences.

2. The "clean cut" look...

I'm not talking about the hair on your head. I'm talking about those places we don't share with quite as many people (well, i don't anyway, especially recently). I had, for the longest time, not attempted to shave more than my face. I'm a guy and we don't always think about these things. But recently, on the suggestion of a friend, i decided to experiment.

It's different. I can see how it would be less of a hassle for those partners that descend below our waists with thoughts of pleasure on their minds. I've dated girls from all ends of this spectrum, from the "leave it, it's fine" to the "gone completely" categories. I don't really care one way or the other. I am curious, though, and since the blog is called "Sexual Zen", I thought I'd check on all your stories concerning this subject. So do tell, or hint at, or just send winky smiley faces. Do you like it for others? for yourself? both? neither?...