Finding Zen

It has happened, as it does to people, that i've found someone to share my zen. I could rant and rave and get all sappy but that's really not what i'm after here. I wanted to say how much anticipation I have for this. Of course, if I were just writing anywhere else, I'd be writing about those things we share in common (many) and those things that make us interesting to one another (also many) and how wonderful it all is. But didn't I name this place Sexual Zen? So let's talk about how excited I am to have the opportunity to explore, to find my sexual zen again. Not just with someone willing, but someone who is as excited and intrigued by those explorations as I am.

What am I saying? I'm saying we're going to make love sometimes, and we're going to fuck sometimes and we're going to find interesting places and positions and do those things that couples do. Maybe i'll write about some of it. Maybe I won't. I'll see what we're comfortable with. Just wanted to let you know that now, after a little bit of attempted teaching and some lamentation about finding someone...It's time for the real Zen to begin.

Quick Note...

A quick note for any of you readers out there. Sexual Zen is official RSS compatible. What does that mean? If you're not familiar with RSS and newsfeeds in general, I would advise you to take a look. It's a way to keep track of all the blogs, news and anything we read and change on a day to day basis without having that list of bookmarks a mile long. Check out feedburner.com for some handy explanation. You can grab my feed from the 'chicklet' in the "Link To Me" section on the right. You can also link directly to this page with my all new, all powerful Sexual Zen 'chicklet'. Ok, end of Public Relations tirade. Thanks for your patience.

Now we return to our regularly scheduled zen.

Sexual Game Guide Pt. 2 - Cunning Linguist

I've been hesitating on getting this one together because I think i'm going to be getting a lot of comments/corrections from the woman population. Then, as I was at work today (well I still am, but that's beside the point) someone sent me an IM. It was a new reader. You should check out her blog here. After a brief chat I couldn't resist posting again.

So welcome to the second part in an ongoing series...Sexual Game Guide Part Two, the Cunning Linguist. Not surprisingly, there are some overlaps.

1. You've Got Hands, Use Them -
Guys, let's talk about your hands. There is a fairly universal misconception, as far as I can tell, that guys have when attempting to pleasure a female orally. That is, they think it's all about the tongue. I would like to formally disagree. It's all about the stimulation. That means that, yes, the tongue is an important part of the deal. Don't discount the hands, fingers, lips etc. I'm trying to keep these posts slightly tasteful, at least with the language, so forgive me if this is a bit raunchier than the previous.
The hands are there for helping. Most guys would agree that hands work great for getting at those "harder to reach" places with just a little spreading. It works wonders. It's the first step to good use of the hands. After the obvious, let's talk fingers. Remember when you were just beginning your sexual adventure? Remember the exploratory 3rd base phase? Why did we stop that? As soon as guys find out there is a clitoris it's like the rest of the girl anatomy is just for putting our anatomy in. Guys, let me make it nice and blunt. Explore! Put the fingers where they go naturally (no surprises in the "other" places either, unless you know it's cool. Nothing pisses a girl off more than that little "shocker"). Use two, use three, take your cues from her body language. She'll let you know if it's too much, too little. The combination of tongue and hands and fingers is the way to go. You all play video games, and you all know that when it comes down to succeeding in a video game, it's all about the combos.

2. No Teeth, Usually -
This is an easy one. Unless otherwise specified ahead of time, do not use the teeth. Discuss it with your partner if you need to check, otherwise it's all about the soft parts of you that she likes. We may not be simulating sex, per se, in this instance but we attempting to pleasure. Pain in that region, in my experience with most females, is not commonly considered sexy.

3. Yes, You ARE A Vacuum -
As I said in the BJ post, the idea of sucking is excellent. This applies to orally pleasing a woman as well. I'm not talking about leaving hickies on her inner thighs (maybe she's into it, but that's not where we are.) I'm talking about finding our little friend the clitoris, wrapping your lips around it and sucking. Not too HARD!! and NO TEETH, remember? The gentle sucking action, accompanied by the use of the tongue in that situation has always driven the women I've been with a little nuts with good sensations. Try it out.

4. Can't Find A Clit? Don't Quit!!!
Men tend to approach oral sex with a female as a surgical strike with a B-2 Bomber. There is one target, we can't miss, and if we do, the game is OVER. This is SO not true. The natural progression of things needs to happen guys! Oral sex is a strange bridge between foreplay and intercourse. You shouldn't expect to head downtown immediately after the beginnings of a "session" and find everything as it needs to be and easy to find. Girls have a warm up period. Just because you think you have the greatest tongue on the planet, doesn't mean all her parts are going to be instantly ready to go.
Use that tongue! She's got an entire body to sample with that tongue. Kiss her, lick her everywhere. Make it worth the effort to get there. Between a woman's legs is the greatest thing straight men on this planet get! Treat it well. Girls have sensitive spots that aren't their clit. In fact, you often need to work on these spots to get our friend the clitoris to even make an appearance. That's the key. It's not "hard to find" if you make it come to you. Don't just drop your head, lick twice and jam a finger in and expect her to beg for more and scream your name (i suppose it might happen, but it usually takes a bit more.) Once you've tasted and felt a woman that was extremely turned on, you'll always want them to be like that before the intercourse starts. Trust me.

5. She Doesn't Need To Orgasm, But It Would Be Nice -
The "Quickie" was invented by men. Let's face it, we can get our rocks off fairly easily if we so choose. We "lucky" i guess. The point of oral sex isn't always to get her to orgasm. Some women only orgasm once during a sexual encounter. It is the way they happen to be "wired". Sometimes they would prefer NOT to orgasm during the oral sex. This is a place where I say ASK!! Talk about it. I have been with women that wanted the orgasm to start with the oral and connect to the intercourse. I've been with women who wanted the oral orgasm first. I'm extremely lucky to have been with a woman that was capable of multiple orgasms and was very sensitive and always just said "The more the merrier."
However your partner is wired, it's all about the communication. Ask her, even ask her in the midst. You don't need to be all analytical either. A simple "You want to cum on my tongue baby?" works wonders in the midst of everything. It gives her the option to choose. The more choice and guidance she can have and give you, the more she'll enjoy herself. The more she enjoys herself, the more you will enjoy yourself. I, personally, enjoy making a woman have an orgasm as much as possible. Some guys are like me, some just need to have their own orgasm at some point in the encounter. Regardless of who you are and how you function, this mantra is always true. "Make her happy, it's worth it."

We'll leave it there for now. I think this may be a two-parter, but we'll see. I have yet to discuss with the Fuz about this. We'll talk today or tomorrow and perhaps she'll have some more information, ideas to share. And if YOU have any ideas or thoughts, men and women alike, please comment!

As always...
Stay zen, stay safe and keep on fuckin'.